BernanaRama
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
AKON IS KONVICTED
Nice song rite? haha. but bet yall didnt know why AKON kept saying sorry in the song and why he said you can put the blame on him. well, it was actually because he was simulating sex onstage with a underaged girl named Dana Alleyne in Club Zen in Trinidad and the thing is the club is supposed to let girls who are 21 and above into the club so it isnt AKON's fault for dry humping an underaged girl, but oh well who said it was ok to dry hump anyone in public even if the girl is above 21 years old. up to yall to judge who is in the wrong. Cheerios.
oh btw just thought yall should take a look at the indiscriminately lewd act that AKON did to the poor girl.
BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 2:46 PM [comment]
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Monday, October 29, 2007
PC carrying a PC
"OMG WHAT A HUNK!!!"
or
"WTF SUCH AN OLD COM!!!"
but i bet most of the girls must be like thinking of the former, i dont think most girls would care about the boring, old, rectangular piece of thingy my PC was holding. a lot of aunties were also looking at my PC, he really like some machine gun or something, everything also kill, auntie-killer, girl-killer and even a guy-killer. haha cause when we were walking, suddenly i noticed this guy's line of sight keep trailing PC's movement, haha either he damn attracted by the computer or he is a total mega freaking gay. haha.
of course while accompanying PC to take his com, i also got my own objective, i wanted to get a leather bag for my studies in NUS and after searching high and low, going to topman, bio char bor, going to bugis street, bio some more char bor, then finally at a shop near the entrance to bugis street was where i found this,
nice rite? haha. i thought it was practical enough and nice enough for use in university. haha. anyway guess how much it is?! it was originally 29, then PC ask me to bargain, then i said "wait, slowly, relac..." then the shop owner said,"Aiyo, heard you say already lah, haha, ok lah sell
you at 27 dollars."
you at 27 dollars."
although just 2 dollars i already damn happy, haha, come out buy stuff must be happy mah, wait later bargain too much, make until mood very weird, shopowner not happy, i buy already also not happy, got save 2 dollars also can. haha. anyway i am damn excited about going back to school, especially with the prospects of meeting new frens, both male and FEMALE!!! haha. i am a happy bernana especially with ORD just round the corner. haha. so guys Cheerios and let me leave yall with an EPIC LIGHTSABER BATTLE!!! Enjoy! :)
BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 5:15 PM [comment]
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Saturday, October 27, 2007
the higher you get, the harder to retract
thats what most people think, this is especially so when you have to retract the order due to some smartass suggestion given by someone of a lower command, cause it would seemingly make you look stupid cause you never thought of the solution in the first place and was corrected by someone who should supposedly be more subordinate in nature and also supposedly less correct and not give good suggestions.
this problem arises due to a condition i call
"NOT-STUPID-FACE"
, known as NSF in short, the person who has a higher position in terms of leadership who suffers from this condition will have to hide his condition and thus cannot appear to be stupid after being corrected by his subordinates and thus choose to go about doing some work using his own but stupid method. and he provides even more stupid excuses along to way to justify his decision. finding excuses isnt as bad as just using the words
"CAUSE I SAID SO"
or
"CAUSE I AM YOUR LEADER"
or other authoritative speech to justify your stupid decision.
to treat this strange medical condition of "not-stupid-face", it is not to drink some milk enchanced with what DHA or what choline, and other dont know what fuck shit, it is also not to go for plastic surgery and try and change your already fucked up NOT-STUPID- face. the solution is to simply start listening to your subordinates, it may seem stupid cause you are the leader and they are supposed to listen and follow your orders, but trust me, when you start listening and trusting your subordinates, that is when they start respecting and trusting you. and it is this mutual trust and understanding that makes good teamwork.
you may think this is a lot of bull crap, but trust me i am telling from my own experience of looking at others and looking at myself, i used to suffer from "not-stupid-face" too and i still suffer from it now and then, so trust me and take my advice and you wont go wrong.
anyway i realised that every guy who has gone through NS would know how to endure pain as well as know how to inflict pain and also to kill, which is a very good thing in war times but just imagine, all guys you see on the streets have been "killing-trained". haha oh well just food for thought. anyway after having said so much serious stuff in this entry, i am gonna end off this entry with just a very happy song introduced to me by JiAsHeNg hope yall will enjoy it! and for the record, Cheerios and ORD LOH! haha. :)
BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 5:51 PM [comment]
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Sunday, October 21, 2007
more bowling please!
Nice vid rite? haha sorry for those who cant really understand chinese though. haha. and also sorry for those who are not very bowling crazy. haha. anyway yesterday i was bowling 9 games and i realised that i have improved quite abit since i first started bowling but my progress has been damn slow. i still can get below 100 points sometimes which is damn bad for someone who bowls almost every weekend. but one thing is for sure
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
and
NOTHING BEATS PRACTICE
seriously, to really excel at something, you have to work your guts out and really give you 101%. but of course dont knn work until you peng san lah! peng san already how to improve sia. must pia but of course pia in moderation lah. its like your kar chng, sell backside too much confirm kar chng pain one what. so must slowly, take it easy but must concentrate and always keep your objective in mind.
anyway i was looking at the youtube video and i was like wishing that i had a slow motion video cam also then i can like look at my release in slow motion and find out whats wrong. and also can use video cam to bio cute char bor at bowling alley lah! haha. sometimes when you look at things in slow motion, you tend to see things more clearly cause of the details that are shown, you can see things in greater perspective in this way. its just like how some people view life, they slow things down and reflect and improve upon themselves. of course not in a literal way lah, unless you like jay chou in initial d, see things moving slower and slower. haha.
anyway just to end off this very short entry with another slow mo vid from youtube! haha. really got some interesting stuff to see, but i didnt really like the one with the bullet going through the bernana, made me feel damn uneasy. 0_0 haha enjoy and Cheerios!
BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 2:49 PM [comment]
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Saturday, October 20, 2007
down pes
MR. C9L2
haha cause i have officially down pes from pes A to C9L2, which is something i was quite happy about cause it meant that i would no longer be put through stuff that would put additional strain on my cui ankle. seriously although i am happy to down pes, it is never a good idea to go harm yourself in order to down pes, cause it really does cause permanent harm to your body and you are damn gonna regret it.
my ankle is now like totally busted, a little bit will sprain liao and when walking sometimes also will be pain. although the pain is still bearable, i would rather have a totally healthy ankle so that i can have freedom to do whatever i want without having to worry about spraining my ankle or having ankle pain after strenuous activity.
anyway enough about busted ankles and chao keng-ing. Yesterday was finally my last day in camp and boy am i glad that it is finally over. moreover, i pang kang earlier than the rest yesterday cause one of my pioneers generously gave up his job for me to do such that i could book out. i was freaking gan dong sia. T_T i seriously enjoyed the time i had with my pioneers, my pc and my fellow specs. i bet the times would have been better without someone in the platoon, the one who absorbs all the arrows and distributes it down to us and made our life so much harder.
anyway i was like quite sad to leave my pioneers and my fellow specs cause they seriously taught me a lot, like how to organise, how to plan, how to take care of my pioneers, how to respect one another, how to do only necessary stuff, how to lead, how to be a better man. i seriously wish the best for all of them and i will cherish the times we had and hope that when our lives do cross paths in the near future, we would be able to talk about old times and reminisce about the pain we endured and the happiness we shared. anyway i was like going around looking for my platoon guys to take photos with so that i can have a collection of ORD photos. haha.
haha superpioneer and me, the weird helmet he is wearing is dubbed the ORD helmet. haha.
me doing the last of the things on MyORD list, teaching the new birds stuff about the machine gun.haha i already took some photos with my other pioneers but not with me now so cant put it up. but i will post them as soon as i get them. its so weird, its like 2 years just flew past, one day i was in BMT then i was in SISPEC, then in ETI (wah knn this one is heaven), then in BPCC (this one is like crazy hellhole sia.) then i was in SURVEY and SURVEY COURSE, then i was like fucking my pioneers upside down inside out, then we fought ETEP, we did sai kang, we pang kang, we did bazaar night, we did NDP, pang kang again, then we did triathlon, pang kang again, then conduct survey course then finally pang kang one last fucking time. Finally, its over and life would never be the same again.
let me once again share with you guys my fav youtube videos! haha. the first one describes how i am feeling now and the second one i just love the tune and the mtv effects. enjoy and Cheerios!!! :)
BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 7:42 PM [comment]
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Sunday, October 14, 2007
REJUVENATED!
dont yall just love talking cock? as in like just engage in harmless banter. then we start like reminiscing about the past and start telling each other cold jokes and ji siao each other and start talking about life after army etc etc. then at the range i also got interested in the rubik's cube (the one with 9 sides and different colours then must rotate until all the squares on each side are of the same colour one.) cause some guys could solve it damn fast so i guess thats another thing i can learn in order to impress char bors. haha. oh talking about char bors, i was looking at yuanzhen aka alicia's blog when i chanced upon some pick up lines in her blog. check it out yo!
Guy: Hey, is your father a terrorist?
Girl: No, why?
Guy: 'Cause you're the BOMB!
Guy: Hey, are you from Greece?
Girl: ?? No, why?
Guy: Really? 'Cause I thought all goddesses came from there!
Guy: Hey, do you like raisins?
Girl: Yes/No. Why?
Guy: Oh. How about a date?
(red date ah, you know, the dried red Chinese herby thing.)
haha i thot it is quite interesting. oh yah anyway i was quite high the whole week due to a song introduced by my new bird spec. it just kept repeating itself in my head and seriously i cant stop laughing whenever i sing it haha. its actually a parody of the myojo noodle advertisement song. haha, if yall cant really picture what the song actually sounds like, yall can ask me, i will gladly do a demo for you. haha.
快来尝尝明星面，
一碗只卖两毛钱，
吃了五天不大便，
喝了五天不小便，
真可怜！
haha. dont yall just love such stupid stuff? haha puts a smile on your face doesnt it? haha. childish song rite? haha but doesnt it just seem like yesterday when we were still all in primary school playing police and thief, hide and seek, talking about pokemon, digimon, when tamiya was like a school boy's ultimate wet dream, when bomberman was cool, when bus captains were still bus drivers, when power ranger was every kid's dream and guys would pull girl's ponytails when guys still havent start talking about FHM or MAXIM, when girls still havent realised DKNY is not pronounced as DICK-NEE. haha. sometimes it is really damn funny when we do look back at our childhood doesnt it? haha.
oh yah talking about myojo, i was at zion road hawker centre last week with papa bernana and eating my all time favourite cai tau kway, i ordered a 6 dollar plate of cai tau kway and walloped it all. haha damn shiok. papa bernana ordered a damn nice bowl of prawn mee and trust me the prawns they use are huge man, like lobsters sia. KNN when i see papa bernana eat, i was like drooling all over the table. that prawn mee you eat already confirm orgasm on the spot one. eat it together with the cai tau kway and i confirm your pants split open.now let me show you a pic of the prawn mee.
haha nice rite? i cannot show you a picture of the cai tau kway though cause i ate it up too fast and furious liao. but i can show you what is left of it.
haha. gotta love what leftovers can do. haha. anyway ORD comes for everyone so for people out there who just enlisted or still have a long way to go before ORD, trust me it is easier not to think about it, just let time past and be more optimistic, look at the glass like its half full, not half empty. anyway thats the end of the entry and left me leave yall with a funny instant noodle advertisement from thailand. haha Cheerios! :)BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 10:29 AM [comment]
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Saturday, October 13, 2007
totally shagged out
first up is how china got the inspiration for the BEIJING 2008 logo. courtesy of yuanzhen's blog.
haha i thought it was quite hilarious when i saw it haha. anyways i am just going to end off here with another youtube video about beatboxing. totally amazing stuff. Enjoy and Cheerios! *yawnz*BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 10:28 PM [comment]
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Saturday, October 6, 2007
The Unfamous Anus Show!
Bernanaman: Hey, welcome again to the interview Mr. Anus! I heard that your Ramly Burger business has been doing very well. (much to my surprise...) So what are you planning next?
Mr. Anus: Actually ah i already sold my Ramly Burger business.
Bernanaman: But why?!?!?!
Mr. Anus: Cause of my name lah! I am supposed to be Unfamous, so if my business so famous then must sell lah! Like that so simple also dont understand, you very stoopid sia. not like me got certificate from Singapore's Tremendously Overly Over-Performing Individuals Department (S.T.O.O.P.I.D.) and all my fwens say i am a Damn Uber Magnificent Businessman And Superb Salesman (D.U.M.B.A.S.S.)
Bernanaman: Huh?! (Wtf?!) So you sold your business cause it was just making too much money and making you so famous?! Ok........ Anyway just out of curiosity, where did the hyphen in your name go to? It was initially Un-Famous rite? now it is just Unfamous.
Mr. Anus: Cause the stoopid place make the IC one told me no one got hyphen in their name one lah so they force me take the hyphen out lor.
Bernanaman: Orh icic (i bet no one has the word anus for their name also. haha.) Anyway tell us about your new business venture. I heard you opened a Cybercafe next to the infamous Yang Tze Cinema in Chinatown.
Mr. Anus: Yah nowadays people very into Cybercafe mahz so i thinking sure can make money one.
Bernanaman: But why open beside a porn cinema?
Mr. Anus: Ahhhh very good question. It is because hor my brudder's shop not only sell cookies, also got sell drinks so i thought this 2 in 1 idea quite good, so i thinking maybe i got porn cinema and cybercafe together is good combination also lor.
Bernanaman: Like that also can ah?
Mr. Anus: KNN OF COURSE LAHZ!
Bernanaman: Wah ok ok. Relax Mr Anus, i was just asking a casual question. (Oh man he looked like he was really gonna slaughter me AGAIN...phew). So tell me more about your unique concept.
Mr. Anus: Ok lets say those old and horny lao ah pek go watch Yang Tze show then after that they come out ah, they sure see my cybercafe one then they curious mah so they come in then i give them free 5 mins trial first, then i purposely put all the home page of my Internet Explorers to porn sites, haha so they kenna trapped liao. So they will confirm want to use more than 5 mins so i start making money liao.
Bernanaman: Wah like that ah, then other than that got any other tactics?
Mr. Anus: Haha of course have lah, my Cybercafe some more got sell porn magazine, got sell condom and most importantly, THE PILL...psst the blue colour one. Haha. So you see my cybercafe is so many things combine into one. Like one premium package like that. Haha.
Bernanaman: Wah your cybercafe is totally porn and nothing but porn sia and porn is the only attraction and your target clients are LAO TI KOs.
Mr. Anus: Smart rite? Like that then innovative mah, you tell me got how many shops in Singapore is as daring as me lah!
Bernanaman: Ok ok calm down Mr. Anus, i was just passing a casual remark (i think i better call the police, he like gonna butcher me and eat me up sia. *takes out handphone*).
Mr. Anus: OI! WHAT YOU DOING WITH YOUR HANDPHONE? DONT HAVE ANY FUCKING COURTESY WHEN TALKING TO ME?!?!?!
Bernanaman: No no!!! I was ahhhhh.....I was ahhhhh.....looking at some porn!
Mr. Anus: WHAT?! Aiyo say so earlier lah! Haha you are my kind of guy sia. Haha.
Bernanaman: Hehe thanks Mr. Anus that is very comforting to hear! (as if ah) So since your shop has been so radical, have you gotten into any trouble before?
Mr. Anus: Of course lah! Some government people come investigate, so i let them investigate lor, then dont know why hor they on the computer to check, then 15 mins later they all get heart attack and died sia. Just like all my lao ah pek customers.
Bernanaman: Wah wtf!? Your porn must be too damn fierce. Then like that how your make money?
Mr. Anus: Haha now this is where i am a genius. Everytime a customer comes in hor, i will let them sign a form which is actually a Life Insurance form and the beneficiary is me! haha smart rite? some more hor i helping cut down Singapore's ageing population you know? The President should give me medal sia. Anyway my porn not very fierce lei, cause i always watch also no tai ji but hor i heard all my customers when they died, all their blood clot at their lan jiao sia. Haiz they old already so they buay tong, not like me so strong, everyday drink Guiness with egg! Muahahahaha!
Bernanaman: Eh Mr. Anus i think lets end the interview here lah.
Mr. Anus: No no you always so nice, interview me so well so i brought something for you. *takes out Viagra and laptop*
Bernanaman: Eh eh eh Mr. Anus what you doing!?!?!?
*forces Viagra down my throat and shoves laptop in front my face*
Mr. Anus: Haha nice pictures rite? Good stuff hor? Haha.
Bernanaman: Omg I feeling abit giddy *trousers splits open, grabs chest and blacks out*
Haha, hope yall enjoyed the show! Please give me your valuable feedback! haha
- THAT'S ALL PUNKS -
BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 8:14 PM [comment]
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Friday, October 5, 2007
mysterious and beautiful
it is the known as VENUS DE MILO, trust me it has nothing to do with the planet in our solar system or the chocolatey drink we have at the kopi tiam. the thing about this statue is that many are marvelled by its beauty and the reason for this beauty is its arms (or rather the lack of arms) cause it has caused people to wonder what would this beauty would actually be like with its arms around. would the arms be holding something? or would she be digging her nose? or would she be like holding a baby and breastfeeding the baby? so many questions but no answers.
or could she be like this? haha.
maybe this mystery and imagination is what captures people and constitutes her beauty. like what one of my frens once said when we were looking at FHM, he said, he prefers magazines like FHM over pornography cause FHM always take those photos like can see then like cannot see, not like pornography can see everything then no fun liao. chinese call this ruo4 ying3 ruo4 xian4. so its basically like the same idea, mystery and imagination makes FHM magazine photos more appealing but that is far from true beauty k, its just an example. haha. anyway i find girls guilty of this also, they also like looking at hunks or cute guys in their underwear and stuff. haha.
although mystery and imagination does constitute a part to something's beauty, it doesnt apply to everything k? things like your homework, your teacher wouldnt be impressed by the "BEAUTY" of your homework if didnt do your homework and left it to your teacher's imagination k? and trust me your teacher wont leave you to imagine she will call your parents, CAUSE SHE DEFINITELY WILL CALL YOUR PARENTS. and your boss wouldnt be charmed by the "BEAUTY" of your half done proposals either k?
anyway the bottomline is that
BEAUTY LIES IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER
oh yah one more thing, girls pls dont say stupid things like "anything" or "whatever" when your BFs ask you about the plan for the date when you already freaking obviously got a plan in mind ok? this isnt being mysterious, charming, or beautiful, it is just being plain childish. then when your BF dont do according to your plan, then you mood swing, cause trust me if you said your plan out, guys will be more than happy to please yall k? haha. rite guys?
oh yeah last but not least, i still think VENUS DE MILO looks nicer with her arms holding a banana, dont ya think? haha. tell me what you hope VENUS DE MILO's arms would be like k? haha. last but not least a very funny japanese commercial from youtube. haha. Cheerios! :)
BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 9:25 PM [comment]
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