BerNANA MaN

BernanaRama

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

fart-filled bus

Ai seh have you ever wondered how fart would smell like in a bus? would it be different from fart in a lift or fart in a car? would all the fart gather at the back of the bus cause the bus is moving forward? would it be more smelly? would it be more fruity? would it be more toxic? well let me clear all your doubts cause today i have been a victim of

B-U-S F-A-R-T

it totally isnt a pleasant experience you know, cause you got no bloody way to escape!!! you cant jump out the bus and you cant open the window (cause it is air-conditioned)!!! so what you can do is sit there and lan lan sniff in the bloody foul air. but oh well bo bian fart happens. what i admired was the person's ability to fart without being detected. haha i mean its not very hard but also not very easy to avoid being detected. so thats why i came up with some tips for you farters out there who cant help but fart in crowded public places.

the first tip is,

ACCUSE FIRST, TALK LATER

first always wins, so just accuse first, people will less likely to suspect you are the one who farted when you are the first one to raise the question about why the air suddenly got smell of garlic and baked beans. like by saying "wah so smelly" or "aiyo who pang pui".

the second tip is,

STEALTH IS THE KEY

if you dont say a thing, most probably no one will notice. but this is only good for very crowded places. if you are in a lift and there are only 3 people, even if you dont make a sound, they will also suspect you, cause the number of suspects really too little! so use your brain k? dont die die use this method. do whatever you can to save your reputation.

the third and final tip is,

ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS

this is nothing short of brilliant. this tip will blow your minds away. what you do is simply just cover your mouth and nose with your hand. this immediately sends an obvious message to others that you are also a victim of a farter but when you are actually the culprit. haha.

anyway thats all the tip i have for you farters out there to continue farting but still protect your face. oh yah anyway these tips are only for those with silent fart, for those who fart with a resounding boom, these tips wont save your sorry ass even in a thousand years. so the question comes, how do we determine when is our fart silent? haha. if you feel your fart coming and you feel like its a bit damp, then its a silent fart cause what the moisture does to your fart is like what a silencer does to a gun or what a muffler does to your car's exhaust. it reduces the noise and poof you have a silent fart.

but what the moisture also means is that your fart will be smelly and with practice, you will be nothing short of a silent killer. muahahaha. for those who have a loud fart, just hold it there in your ass. but since it is most likely not smelly, it wouldnt hurt to let it out, just that you will feel abit pai say when people start staring at you. and in the rare case that a loud fart is also smelly, i only have one thing to say,

MAY GOD BLESS US ALL

haha. thats enough about fart, i shall end off this entry with a Shayne Ward MTV entitled If That's OK With You. its a beautiful song, check it out and i swear some parts sounds like its sung by Alvin And The Chipmunks. haha Cheerios! *fart* lol

BerNANA SpLiTtInG at 8:14 PM [comment]

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